there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
