1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i would punch a child for taco bell
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
