I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
