boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
