Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
