don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
