it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
