I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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