I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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