I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
