ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
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mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
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I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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