He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If I die, sorry about rent.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
