I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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