So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
