my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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