I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
