How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
