i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
