hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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