Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
