I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
