I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
only if we run a train.
done.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize