His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
