haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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