woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
