The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
