It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
