Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
