At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
they're like a gay fantastic four
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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