Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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