I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
