Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
