Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
