After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
