Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
