im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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