also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize