He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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