I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
