I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
