I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
