sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize