I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
