was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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