how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
