Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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