Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
