By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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