Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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