OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
