i already hear my dad disowning me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
