im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
