the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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