my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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