It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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